Love and many catastrophies.....?

I am in love with a guy named anthony. but i didnt realize how much i loved him until he was gone. we had been really close, and i considered him one of my best friends, before he asked me out. i told him no, but only because i valued our friendship so much, and i wasnt willing to ruin it over some little 2-3 week realtionship. i was afraid that afterward he wouldnt speak to me again, so i told him that i wasnt interested. and at first he was fine with it, but soon he stopped talking to me or looking at me or acknowledging me at all. and i knew i deserved this because i had hurt him, but it was still so horrible. my friends saw i was sad and only one of them cared, and that was John. and my friend dilynn said he only cares because he likes you. and she turned all of my friends against me, insisting that i was trying to steal john. but i never cared about john the way i cared about anthony. so now i dont know what to do, i am friendless ,loveless, and lifeless